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Subject: Ladies, Buy a Dog
Advice
for the Ladies
If you want
someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the
joy of seeing you . buy a dog.
If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and
never says its not quite as good as his mother made it ....buy a dog.
If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long
and wherever you want ...buy a dog.
If you want someone to scare away burglars, without a lethal weapon
which terrifies you and endangers the lives of your family and all !
the
neighbors ...buy a dog.
If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care
about
football, and can sit next to you and watch a romantic movie ...buy a
dog.
If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm
your feet and whom you can push off if he snores ... buy a dog.
If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if
you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if
every
word you say i! s especially worthy of listening to, and loves you
unconditionally, perpetually ..buy a dog.
But on the other hand,
*
if you want someone who will never come when you call,
*
ignores you totally when you come home,
*
leaves hair all over the place,
*
walks all over you,
*
runs around all night,
*
only comes home to eat and sleep,
*
and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his
happiness,
*
*
Then my friend
. .
*
*
Buy a cat.
(Disclaimer:
Any resemblance to a man is purely coincidental.)
DIAGNOSIS.....
There's nothing worse than a snotty doctor's receptionist who insists you
tell her what is wrong in a room full of other patients. I know we all have
experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached
the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor
for today?"
"There's something wrong with my penis," he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a
crowded office and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in
this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with
your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor
in private."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her
advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't pee out of it," the man replied.
The doctor's office erupted in laughter.
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